I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
