she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
