I think I died a long time ago.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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