Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously

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(604): View more from British Columbia

You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.

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(425): View more from Washington

Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE

Fav 7 1629 2104
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(540): View more from Virginia

Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.

Fav 7 1085 2008
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass

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