Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Randomize
