All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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