my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
