why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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