my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
