Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
