Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
