I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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