so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
