Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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