Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
