my phone needs a breathalizer
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize