Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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