Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
