i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
