Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize