Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
