OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you traded sex for a burrito?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
