when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
