EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
