You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
