SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
