I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
