a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
