My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
