I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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