Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
