During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
