I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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