The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
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I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize