If that was your dad, he is hot
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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