That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
