If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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