its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
