we have pet lesbian snakes
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Slut skills are useful in every country.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
