Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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