how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
