I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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