I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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