youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
