You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
