4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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