does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
