Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
