Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
