I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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