you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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