well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
