How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
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