The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
