(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
