Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I need to stop coming to work sober
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
