A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
