she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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