Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
