He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
