New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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